Monday, April 30, 2012
Two of a kind
Over the weekend, we met up with this awesome CI mom and her adorable family. The sweetness and innocence of this picture almost causes me to melt:
Almost strangers, these two little girls are too young to understand exactly how alike they are. As they grow, they will encounter many of the same struggles and insecurities, but will also celebrate the similar milestones and victories. When the time comes and they begin to truly understand their similarities, I also hope they realize how incredibly SPECIAL they are.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
April 26th
It’s quite possible that the emotions of this day will
forever linger in my soul. The feelings of anguish I thought I would never
overcome, the immense anger and sadness, and the encompassing feeling of utter hopelessness.
April 26th marks the beginning of this unique and everlasting
journey - the day we discovered Sophie is deaf.
As I wrote about this subject last year, the emotions I experienced that day were still somewhat fresh and raw to me. I was still a little heartbroken, uncertain, and trying to wrap my head around what the future would hold. I was also sad that I spent Sophie’s infancy with a gloomy haze surrounding me – I’m not sure if I ever was able to relax and fully enjoy her as a baby. My new mom bliss was taken away in the sound booth during her ABR that day and I don’t think I ever completely regained it. I was too worried about all of her appointments, therapy, getting everything in order for her surgery, and just the general future. I wanted time to fast forward until she had received her CIs and we were on the fast track to listening and learning to speak. Now that I know she IS okay and WILL BE okay, I regret this. I wish I could have lived in the moment. At the time though, I know it was the hope I had for the future that kept me going.
While I have regrets, I realize there is nothing I can change and really, it may not have even been possible to live or think differently if my lovely hindsight had been foresight. Besides, I have a new bliss now – toddler bliss. J And although I still grieve April 26th, it is beginning to hurt less and less. I have made it through the fog of sadness and feelings of uncertainty. Sophie is sweet, funny, sassy, stubborn, and everything else a typical two-year-old should be. Most days I hardly think twice about her being deaf unless I am troubleshooting her implants or frustrated that I cannot find a CI headband to match her outfit. But even when I am reminded, the pride I have for her and everything she has accomplished so far completely overshadows any pain that is trying to resurface and reminds me of the miracle we are living. So this year on April 26th, I will be celebrating where we are TODAY and trying not to grieve what I thought should have been.
As I wrote about this subject last year, the emotions I experienced that day were still somewhat fresh and raw to me. I was still a little heartbroken, uncertain, and trying to wrap my head around what the future would hold. I was also sad that I spent Sophie’s infancy with a gloomy haze surrounding me – I’m not sure if I ever was able to relax and fully enjoy her as a baby. My new mom bliss was taken away in the sound booth during her ABR that day and I don’t think I ever completely regained it. I was too worried about all of her appointments, therapy, getting everything in order for her surgery, and just the general future. I wanted time to fast forward until she had received her CIs and we were on the fast track to listening and learning to speak. Now that I know she IS okay and WILL BE okay, I regret this. I wish I could have lived in the moment. At the time though, I know it was the hope I had for the future that kept me going.
While I have regrets, I realize there is nothing I can change and really, it may not have even been possible to live or think differently if my lovely hindsight had been foresight. Besides, I have a new bliss now – toddler bliss. J And although I still grieve April 26th, it is beginning to hurt less and less. I have made it through the fog of sadness and feelings of uncertainty. Sophie is sweet, funny, sassy, stubborn, and everything else a typical two-year-old should be. Most days I hardly think twice about her being deaf unless I am troubleshooting her implants or frustrated that I cannot find a CI headband to match her outfit. But even when I am reminded, the pride I have for her and everything she has accomplished so far completely overshadows any pain that is trying to resurface and reminds me of the miracle we are living. So this year on April 26th, I will be celebrating where we are TODAY and trying not to grieve what I thought should have been.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Demanding
We are less than a month in, but if I had to sum up the age of two thus far, I would use one word - DE-MAN-DING! Sophie is a joy and this age is so much fun, but also pretty exhausting! Everything is "I want _______!!! " and then constantly repeated until she either gets it or something else she wants catches her attention - and then the cycle repeats itself. Where-oh-where does this energy come from?!
We have quite the negotiator on our hands, too. She is always trying to get more and more... and more and more... When I am telling her she can have a jelly bean if she goes pee-pee on the potty, she yells, "TWO jelly beans!" Seriously? Can she sense that peeing on the potty is so important to me that I may actually fold and give her two? Oh yes, I think she can. And sometimes I do - just don't tell my husband.
And then earlier tonight I was sitting in the kitchen and I soon had a little hand grabbing me, "I want to go in the living room, Mommy! I want to read a book!" "We just read a book," I say. "Hmm... I want to read two books, Mommy."
Well played, girlfriend. How do I possibly say no to that?
We have quite the negotiator on our hands, too. She is always trying to get more and more... and more and more... When I am telling her she can have a jelly bean if she goes pee-pee on the potty, she yells, "TWO jelly beans!" Seriously? Can she sense that peeing on the potty is so important to me that I may actually fold and give her two? Oh yes, I think she can. And sometimes I do - just don't tell my husband.
And then earlier tonight I was sitting in the kitchen and I soon had a little hand grabbing me, "I want to go in the living room, Mommy! I want to read a book!" "We just read a book," I say. "Hmm... I want to read two books, Mommy."
Well played, girlfriend. How do I possibly say no to that?
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Twinkle, twinkle
The entire song, from start to finish:
Moments like these make it hard to remember that she is deaf and easy for my heart to swell with pride.
Moments like these make it hard to remember that she is deaf and easy for my heart to swell with pride.
Monday, April 2, 2012
2nd Birthday Madness!
Sophie turned two last week! I know parents always say this, but I can't believe how fast these past couple of years have gone by. It's bittersweet that I no longer have a little baby, but this age is so much fun! Sophie began her birthday week a bit rough because she came down with a virus, but we made the most of it and still had plenty of time for celebration with family and friends. Here is the recap in pictures:
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| Nina, Mattie, and Sophie mesmerized by their candy |
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| Happy Birthday to me! |
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| Helping make cupcakes for school |
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| Quite the creative florist |
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| A Dora themed party, what else?! |
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| Ready to party! |
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| "I WUV Dora, Mommy!" |
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| Favorite gift? It even has a place for her baby. :) |
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| Deep in concentration |
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| Next fav? All things BUBBLES! |
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| Such a big girl |
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| Being a goofball - sugar is kicking in |
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| Happy Birthday, sweet girl! |
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