WOW – what a year! 2010 has been the most wonderful and also most difficult year of my life. I encountered the biggest transformation in my 27 years – I became a mother. My life was turned upside down in a matter of seconds by a tiny being who weighed less than six pounds. My world revolves around her now. I don’t think I truly understood what unconditional love really meant until I looked into her eyes. I finally understand what my mother meant when she would say, “Just wait, Em. Just wait until you’re a mom.” I finally get it, Mom. ;) I have a new purpose in life. Everything I do, every little decision I make is for Sophie.
Aside from becoming a mother, I also went through another transformation this year. This one, while unexpected and unsolicited, I believe makes me a better person. After learning of Sophie’s hearing loss, I began to look at my life and this world differently. Once the initial anger and shock wore off, I started to realize that things I once cared about no longer mattered anymore. I began to understand how incredibly lucky our little family is and how much I want to help others who are not as blessed. I feel like a different person, mostly just more selfless than before, I guess. My priorities are much different now and I am perpetually grateful. Ever hear the saying, “It takes losing your balance to live a balanced life”? I think it best describes my second transformation. Clarity. Balance. While I still have much to learn in this game of life, I think I understand what is truly important now.
2010 was also the year of an emotional speedway for me. Have you ever laughed and shed tears of sorrow in the same minute? I’m pretty sure I have. Sophie brings me incredible joy, every second of every day. Her smile melts my heart and the love I feel for her is almost scary. I would do anything for that little girl. Most moments are filled with these emotions – joy, happiness, ECSTACY. However, it sometimes just takes one tiny storm cloud to ruin my sunshine and bring on the rain. One nagging little thought in the back of my head reminding me that she is different. It usually happens in quiet moments, such as my commute to work or when I’m lying awake at night. Really, whenever I actually have time to SLOW down and reflect on my life. I’ll admit – it can be a sad place. Alone with my thoughts in my dangerous mind... Then again, it usually only takes thinking about my astonishing little girl to snap me out of it. I remind myself of how fortunate we are and that despite her deafness, Sophie is going to be fine. Better than fine, in fact. She will be amazing.
I’ve experienced many emotions this year – anticipation, excitement, bliss, happiness, joy, devastation, shock, anger, fear, trepidation, apathy, acceptance, and finally happiness again. I am ending 2010 on a positive emotion – HOPE. I have much, much hope for this coming year and I cannot wait to live it. Welcome, 2011! We are ready for you!